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Dig me up, I'm going to Chester!

A cup final again, and only twelve months since we made a right pigs ear of the last one. Now Ernie Armstrong was a canny old boy, a decent if dirty player in his youth,or so I have been told, but just how much remembrance does he want in Ryhope? However, let's not be ungrateful, promotion might not suit the likes of thee and me, and while admittedly it's not Wembley like what Whitley Bay are looking forward to, it is a night out and a chance to bring fame if not fortune to the village of dreaming spires; or was that burning tyres? I forget....

Looks like Norton have won the league, and promotion for the first time after a mere 28 years in the second division, the impatient fools; don't they realise that you must suffer down here among the has beens and never wases for a lot longer than that before you deserve to go up. They will regret their impetuosity, you mark my words. They will be welcome in the top flight though, as will Esh, regardless of the football they are two of the best clubhouses in the league, which is not unimportant when the cold wind blows. Congratulations to both, and of course to Horden if they manage to stagger over the line in the next week or so, every chance they will still be drunk when the cup final comes round.

Less clap trap and an intelligent analysis of the season just about gone instead I hear you ask? You have come to the wrong shop there son, but I will tell you what I think if you like; I think we need to start in August like the rest of them. It maybe romantic and suit the quixotic temperament of the average Sunderland inhabitant, steeped in many years of gallant failure and used to falling short in sport and other pastimes, giving everybody a few weeks start and then launching on an agonising, but ultimately doomed quest to cut them down on the run in, but why not try and win it from the front for a change? I'm only asking of course. Mind you as I recall we won the first two this year by 12 - 0 in total before the wheels fell off so that didn't work either. However, I for one am sure next year will be different, a stroll to success with all of Teesside and such like places toiling in our wake. And of course there's always the trip to Whitehaven to look forward to, unless Crook and Marske do the business for us of course....

April 2009

So once again we reach the end of a long and difficult season, only to find the prize snatched away from us at the death. It makes the blood boil to think of the hours of sweat and effort put in by the troops, only to fall agonisingly short right at the death. I refer of course to the news that has reached us here that once again the programme has failed to win first prize in the Northern League awards. Is there any justice? Just because some lad at Marske has nowt better to do than hand copy a thousand pages every week, why should our beautifully produced effort come second? Only joking of course, Moss Holtby does a first class job for Marske and is a deserved winner, but congratulations to the boys at Upstream for the work that goes into the RCA programme, my favourite reading.

So back to the football; how is it going to end? Not quite good enough again, or just getting there by the skin of our teeth? And who is on Horden's side? Two 90th minute winners? Still while there is life there is hope, and sometimes afterwards as well. Esh will be twitching, only a couple of points needed from their last two games, but will they get them? So, come on Thornaby, Stokesley, Crook etc. And for us? Four home games in ten days now to disturb the peace and quiet round here, although the alternative attractions of Champions League football should make the first Tuesday night quiet anyway. Will Whitehaven find their way to Meadow Park in time for kick off? Is the shine wearing off yet, now they have been schlepping over the country week after week since August? Although to be fair it can't be that much different from the hilariously named Wearside League, which has teams everywhere across the North, even nowadays in Sunderland. What is it about Cumbria that makes them all so keen to get out and travel? I can't imagine, surely there are enough clubs over there to make a half decent league? Still not to worry, always hospitable here in Ryhope, you can quite happily park your car anywhere you like, leave the keys in the ignition and it will still be there safe and sound when you come back....

Then the students come to visit, with a much improved team by the looks of things, goals galore from a dodgy maggy supply of young players so I am led to believe.

And finally, what kind of a football genius is running the under 18s? Fantastic performances for the past few weeks, and a County Cup Final no less to look forward to, and beating the CW in the semi, that's gone down well in these parts, the Colliery is the team in Ryhope and don't you forget it lad....

January 2009

4 4 2? Four at the back? Not to mention, away from home to the league leaders. And including two wingers. Have we changed managers while I wasn't looking?

It certainly seems like a change of plan at the very least. Still, us Ryhope lads have always believed in attack as the best form of defence, mind we were only rarely talking about football at the time. And it seems to have worked a treat, another win away from home at the league top dogs is not to be sneezed at. Up to eighth in the league, games in hand on everyone above you; sounds like the perfect recipe for a desperately unlucky run in. I might be being pessimistic, but that's what life after death has taught me, don't you ever believe it can't get any worse.

Never mind. So is this it? Are we going to see flowing moves here at Meadow Park as the lads sweep up the league table on a spring tide of Brazilian style football? Wingers hugging the touchline and curving quality crosses in? Will the big fella get back in on his return from foreign parts? Will Hicker stop shouting and start purring? It would be nice to think so, but never mind the manager, is the pitch up to it? All that sand can't be helping, there must be a better way to keep it right. Could throw the kids and the Sunday hooligans off for a start. Only a thought, only a thought. But I bet I'm not the only one it has occurred to. I can read the boss's mind as he walks round the pitch of a Monday morning, shaking his head and muttering. Course, I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way and all that, but maybe not right now when the pitch is... Well it certainly could be a lot better, and it has been in seasons gone by so what has gone wrong? Perhaps we will never know.

Good night at the dogs? I used to enjoy a night at the dogs, when you knew something of course. I hear its all very up market now. Not like the good old days, half an hour before the race, down the kennels while the bloke looks the other way, packet of sausages each for five of them, then back the other one, happy days, happy days...

Christmas 2008

Well, welcome back and where has everyone been? Been quiet as a graveyard up here these past few weeks. Not that you would normally find me and the boys complaining, but it's not usual that's for sure. Only the Sunday carry on to disturb the peace the other day. Seemed like a decent set of lads from t'uddersfield. All paid to get in from what I could see, has it been counted yet? But should it have been played? Some doubt it, and doubt it loud and often. Pitch will never be the same this season I hear, and dark looks are cast at those to blame. I think the referee was a little taken aback by the warmth of his welcome from the boss, lets put it that way.

So seasonal thoughts in these lean and mean times. Merry Christmas to one and all of course, ignore the big chill and buy some tickets for the big draw; and enjoy the atmosphere in Defty's Diner, or Dungeon it maybe should be called, he certainly can't get the lads out of a match day now, what could the attraction be? Seems to me like its been a decent year, just about the best I can remember actually, but what would I know? Bit of a disappointing end to last season, only fourth in the league and a cup finalist...

And bit of a disappointing start to this, despite winning in the vase at West Auckland and with every chance to press on in the league...

Never mind, a good win the other night down at Norton sets up the first team for a busy Christmas and then January, and the young ones are going well at last, according to the big lad and his sidekick anyway. So, I hear it's, "All to play for in the Northern League Second Division? Nowt decided before Christmas, or Easter for that matter? Its not over till its over. I think we have a settled side now, just need to add one or two". Now, is that Mr Hixon I hear whistling the tune from the great escape?

Merry Christmas, back next year...

November 2008

Is big money spoiling the game? It never spoiled any game of mine that's for sure. I only ask because it seems some kid at Chelsea is upset because he is only on 30 grand a week while Lampard is on 160 grand. Don't know about you, but I could weep for the lad. Reminds me of the old story about Tommy Docherty in his playing days going to see the manager to complain that the legendary Tom Finney got paid more than him, with his £10 a week, and £8 during the close season, two quid more than old TD was on. "But Tommy son, Tom is a much better player than you" says the manager. "Not in the summer he's not" replies the irrepressible Scottish prankster. Ho, ho, ho, indeed.

There is a moral there somewhere I'm sure, just not certain what it is. Anyway nobody is going to turn it down are they? And at least what we pay for Sky, or used to pay in my case, keeps the old movie channels going as well, which is nice. Still at least when you turn out to watch the bold boys in the Northern League you know it is all about love of the game, not the filthy lucre ... Do you reckon the Blyth chairman will be watching the match down at Bournemouth or counting the crowd?

Anyway a win at last and the old bandwagon is rolling again. You need adversity to make you appreciate the good times, as Captain Smith was heard to say as the Titanic went down, and we have had some adversity this season, from what I have seen, but I don't think the good ship RCA is ready for the bottom just yet. And just as well, because I think the bottom of this league is likely to turn into a right dog-eat-dog affair as the end of the season looms. Looks to me as if there will be a few candidates from the Alliance and Wearside leagues looking to step up, and seeing how Birtley and Whitehaven have done, who can blame them. It could be that this old second division gets more and more competitive as the FA's plans for a real pyramid, even up in the frozen North East, finally start to bear fruit. Yes I think those down at the bottom come February will start to twitch quite a bit, and I somehow don't think there will be any reprieves this season. So maybe the time is right to escape upwards to greener pastures. And they will certainly be greener than our pasture after the Crook game. Never does to over rule the boss, he knows best ...

October 2008 - part 2

After a long lie down, the ghostly gadgie's sent us his second view for October.

What is it with us and them Teessiders? Spend their lives in all that smog, come up to sunny Ryhope for a bit fresh air, get given the opportunity to have a good shout and bawl to clear their lungs, take full advantage of Defty's hospitality (which somebody tells me has got a lot more interesting of late, much good it does us lads), and then the ungrateful buggers knock us out of the Vase and for good measure pinch the points in an outrageous fashion the next week. Must be a penance for something somebody said once upon a time down there, no doubt an unkind reference to smoggies, children, social workers and rottweilers. Well played Chelsea, come on you pensioners, that's what I say. But good wins either side of the Teesside upset, so overall not bad.

Then a little light relief with the Sunday mob. They make the Saturday team look like Olympic athletes, only not quite so keen on the drugs of course. I jest, I jest, obviously a good deal keener really. And when I heard we were playing some young gentlemen from Merseyside I feared the worst, does no one sell underpants in Liverpool? But, despite them having two sent off it all went off very well, a comfortable win, with the boy who used to play for us and couldn't hit the proverbial with a banjo having a good day and getting two, Defty selling a few comestibles and Fergy counting the money, and counting the money, and counting the money. The lad in charge of the scousers looked quite hopeful he was going to get some cash to pay for the beers on the long ride home; I don't think so. "The cheque will be in the post" the cunning one was heard to say, with a wry smile. Little and Large on the gate made a change from Ronnie as well.

Having said that, speaking personally I am really looking forward to getting a better look at the young boys in action over the next few weeks. I don't think that sounds quite like what I meant to say. I better stick to the big boys. No, that's not quite right either...

Still back to the main attraction, and two wins out of three is not a bad return for a week of league action, means we only have seven games in hand of the league leaders for fifteen points now...

But at least it looks like we are starting to get the side into some kind of order, don't say I didn't tell you. I knew all these fancy dan super star signings wouldn't work out, too mouthy and too ginger for my liking. No, we are much better off with the usual collection of workhorses, clatter merchants, malingerers and smokers of the kind that have graced the playing fields of Ryhope since time immemorial. No offence mind, lads...

October 2008

Well, what a rollercoaster we do ride!

Great win at West Auckland (winners of the first world cup, as they love to remind people) in a prestigious national tournament, followed by defeat behind a community centre somewhere in Jarrow in the County Cup, with disco dancing going on in the background. I didn't see a ball kicked in either game of course, but they tell me the dancing girls were far better than the match down South Tyneside way. Maybe the defenders copped a sneaky look as well which took their mind off the job at the vital moment? Anyway, rumour has it that the organisation of county competitions from those helpful chaps and chapesses through at Chester le Street sometimes leaves a little bit to be desired, so maybe we picked the right one to lose.

Favourite football story of the week? Or any week for that matter. It's got to be the latest from Sid James Park. I am sure you've heard, but me I just like talking about it. Kinnear turns up bright and early on Monday ready to read the riot act, no doubt with crazy gang scissors in his pocket, planning on everybody going home with one arm in their jacket, possibly smelling slightly of mini bar whisky, only to find somebody has gone and given the players the day off, seeing as how they did so well against Blackburn. Ho, ho, ho....

And so, a big game to look forward to today, and no doubt a good contingent of seasider Teessiders to help boost the gate. Always a lively squad from Marske, good gruffers and good drinkers to a man, so best be quick in the pie queue this afternoon. and with a centre forward in tremendous goal scoring form I hear, whose name sounds familiar....

So who will be turning out for us today? As the manager changed the habits of a lifetime, picked an unchanged side for the first time since the old King died, and paid the penalty at Jarrow, I think we can assume there will be changes. But not including the ginger superstar, who has gone elsewhere by all accounts. Well, I said it would end in a crying match, it always does. Talk about having ideas above your station. Does no one except me realise that this is Ryhope, perpetual whipping boys, butt of jokes, home of the lost and the lonely? Ah well, maybe this time round we can surprise a few, after all only eight games from Wembley starting today....

Tally ho from down under, keep the faith and eat the pies, and is that draught lager I can smell????

August 2008

Hello, and nice to be back. I am delighted to find that there have been some murmurings of discontent amongst my loyal readers about my long absence from view, as it were.  "What's wrong with the ex gadgie" has been heard I hear. "Is he dead?". Well, yes and no, my son, yes and no...

Mind, I might have been tempted back quicker if there was much prospect of a match, but evidently we are on our travels so far this year. When it stops raining that is. Is this some new dastardly plot by the league to stop the RCA juggernaut? The travel I mean, not the weather. They wouldn't stoop that low would they? And where did the new league name come from? Surely not beyond old Amos to fix a raffle is it? You would think he'd never heard of a hot ticket, although he definitely likes a hot dinner.

Still a nice Bank Holiday Monday against the old pitmen from Horden, that will get me sitting up straight. I only wish I could get over the fence to take advantage of the new gentlemen's conveniences, they look like a proper palace of     , well anyway, lots of activity over the summer to keep us sedentary lads amused. As well as the aforementioned ablutions, which also included the ladies I believe, although you won’t catch me hanging round there, or hanging round the gents now I think on, and which took about 10 men six weeks and two floods to finish by the way, there has been a lot of activity on the pitch, including a cast of thousands at training. Official training that is, not Ozo sneaking on with the boys when he thinks nobody is looking, and knacking the pitch so they have to get a roller in, type training, although to be fair, they do look a likely bunch I must say. The young ladies from Gentoo looking very fetching in orange T shirts, not an easy task for any fashionable female, bouncy castles, head tennis games, the works. The only thing missing was a marquee, and I hear that’s on the way for next summer....

The green fence has survived with only minor damage, when we all thought it would be up the allotments by now. And speaking of allotments, west ones particularly, what happened there? I just know that this season's budget is finely balanced indeed; a few quid from cup competitions will have been in there I bet. Some pressure on for the Vase then...

Still one out of one in the league is not bad, but a fixture backlog before the end of August takes some doing. Daftest pitch inspection I've ever seen, Defty walking round saying, "its impossible, you can't play on that, you'll ruin it", and the fat lad saying, "I think it might get out."