View from the Cemetery

So, having hesitated longer than a virgin behind the bike sheds on a cold Thursday night, the fat lad has said the word, and it turns out the Evo-Stik League is the holy grail after all. Probably a mistake. The ground can't possibly be up to standard yet, and he is surely not relying on the council to get their act in gear by the end of March? To be fair mind, they have only had a hundred years to get the Colliery Welfare up to scratch, and they have very nearly made it already, so what's three months when they put their minds to it?

So, fewer people than I thought know the old Fatima Whitbread and the cricket ball joke. I am sorely tempted, sorely tempted, but even in my condition the repercussions from the guardians of good taste, of which the Northern League seems to have more than its fair share, and vocal at that, certainly in print, would be up in arms, so I must leave it to your imaginations, not a pretty thought. And now I find that my favourite spear chucker didn't even win in the jungle, absolute disgrace, is there no justice? A first class focused athlete like that beat by some pretty boy off the telly? Still we can't all be winners in life, as the Emperor Hirohito said ruefully, and at least the football is going well.

So, Fatima Whitbread is in the jungle, eh? The mention of that marvellous name certainly brings back fond memories. Is there a man in the land over the age of 40 who can hear the name Fatima Whitbread and not immediately think of a cricket ball? A very fine joke indeed, but definitely not fit for publication. Those were the days mind, when Britain reigned supreme in the gentle art of female spear throwing, with our two girls battling ferociously with two of the legion of nearly men of East German athletics, the redoubtable Petra Felke and the superbly named Beata Koch. Which is nearly as good a name as old Bernt Hass at Sunderland in Reidy's day, but I digress. The story goes that Petra and Beata were always beautifully close shaven, but maybe not where you would expect.

No such thing as bad publicity, that's what they all say, and it just shows you how little they all know. Pride goeth before a fall, and if a two-page spread complete with banner headline in the local paper doesn't add up to pride I don't know what does. Rise and rise of RCA it said, which, as you very well might have guessed, has unfortunately been immediately followed by fall and fall, though maybe we got something at Durham on Tuesday? (Yes we did, and an absolute cracker by all accounts). And now the Manchester United of the North East come a visiting, should be fun.