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View from the cemetery - September 2015 - 3

Submitted by Ghostly Gadgie on Monday, 21 September 2015

A small discourse on the wider sporting world this evening, and I was particularly tickled by news of the little bit of a rumpus at the ladies golf over the weekend. Solheim Cup, women's equivalent of the Ryder Cup, our ladies, or certainly females, against those of the old USA. And would you credit it, one of the European team pulled the old "I didn't concede that putt" routine to win a vital hole. On the telly as well. Naughty, but a common trick amongst the more rough and ready school of golfer, though not so generally the pros. And of course it served only to wind the Yanks up so that they finished like trains and won the match. Cheats never prosper they say, unless you are playing up front for Chelsea of course. I played in a bit of a tough old golf school in years gone by. Dodgy maths, even when counting up to five, suspiciously timed coughing and hawking on the tee, not to mention the old leather wedge out of the bushes when they thought no one was watching. You know who you are.

Mind you, although it’s all up market now, the history of golf back in the day is more about gambling, conniving and hustling than playing straight. Taking money off club members was how most pros made their living in days past. Lee Trevino famously said that real pressure was playing for a hundred bucks when you only had ten in your pocket. The legendary Moe Norman used to bet people he could hit a post on the fairway 250 yards away in fewer shots than they could use a putter to hole from 80 feet. He didn't lose. Alvin "Titantic" Thompson always carried a gun in his pocket on the course, in case one of his victims objected to losing their money after he had come up with one of his favourite ploys, such as agreeing to play left handed in a rematch. He was slightly better left handed than right. He also used to get out early and move the greenkeeper's hosepipes so they made a groove towards the hole, if you knew where it was. He famously said that he never turned pro because he couldn't afford the pay cut. Yes, good game golf, plenty of exercise, though quite gentle, appeals to the competitive spirit, and the handicapping system, if properly abused, can level up the most unlikely of pairings, thus also supplying good opportunities to take money from the unwary, as above. What’s not to like?